Most of us learn pretty early in life that favor is not fair, usually right around the time a sibling gets the bigger slice of cake for no apparent reason. It's one of those uncomfortable truths that grates against everything we're taught in school about meritocracy and hard work. We want to believe that if we put in the hours, follow the rules, and keep our heads down, the universe will reward us accordingly. But then you see that one coworker who barely hits their KPIs getting the corner office, or that friend who always seems to fall upward into incredible opportunities without trying. It's enough to make you want to scream into a pillow.
The thing is, favor doesn't follow a spreadsheet. It doesn't care about your "years of experience" or how many times you stayed late when everyone else went to happy hour. It's biased, it's unpredictable, and honestly, it's often completely irrational. But once you stop fighting the unfairness of it all, you can actually start to understand how it works and how to live with it without losing your mind.
The Reality of the Unlevel Playing Field
We love the idea of a level playing field. It makes us feel safe. If the rules are the same for everyone, then we're in control of our own destiny, right? Except the field has never been level. Some people are born with a silver spoon, sure, but favor goes deeper than just money or status. It's that "X-factor" that makes people want to help someone.
Think about it—have you ever met someone and just liked them? You didn't even know their last name yet, but you already wanted them to succeed. That's the beginning of favor. It's an emotional connection that bypasses logic. When a manager picks a "favorite," it's rarely because that person is the most skilled. It's because that person makes the manager's life easier, or they share the same weird hobby, or they just have a vibe that clicks.
It feels personal because it is. When you're on the outside looking in, it feels like a rejection of your hard work. But favor isn't a critique of your worth; it's just a highlight of someone else's alignment with a specific person or situation. It's frustrating as hell, but it's the human element of life that no algorithm can fix.
Why We Get So Bitter About It
It's hard not to get salty when you see someone else getting the "goodies" of life while you're grinding away. We've been conditioned to think that life is a vending machine: you put in the effort, you get the snack. When someone else walks up, kicks the machine, and gets three snacks for free, it feels like a violation of the social contract.
This bitterness usually stems from comparison. We aren't just looking at our own path; we're constantly glancing sideways. We see the "unearned" blessing someone else received and suddenly our own progress feels like it's not enough. We start telling ourselves stories like, "They only got that because they're a suck-up," or "Life is just rigged."
While those things might be true in some cases, dwelling on them is a one-way ticket to Misery-ville. The reality is that favor is not fair, and it never promised to be. If it were fair, it would just be "wages." Favor, by its very nature, is something given that wasn't necessarily earned. When we realize that, we can start to let go of the "why not me?" mindset.
The Hidden Side of Favor
Here's a perspective we rarely consider: if favor isn't fair when others get it, it's also not fair when we get it. We're very quick to point out the unfairness of someone else's stroke of luck, but when something great happens to us out of the blue, we rarely stop to say, "Wait, this isn't fair to everyone else! I didn't work hard enough for this!"
Instead, we call it "blessing," or "good luck," or we convince ourselves we actually did earn it. We've all had those moments where we got a pass we didn't deserve. Maybe a cop let you off with a warning when you were definitely speeding. Maybe you got a job because you happened to go to the same college as the recruiter.
In those moments, we don't want "fair." We want favor. We want the exception to the rule. Recognizing that we've been on the receiving end of this "unfairness" helps take the sting out of seeing it happen for others. It's a messy, inconsistent system, but it's the one we're living in.
Can You Actually Attract Favor?
If favor is so random, is there any point in trying? Well, yes and no. You can't force someone to favor you, but you can certainly make yourself "favor-ready."
A lot of what we call favor is actually the result of being positioned correctly. It's being in the room when the conversation happens. It's being the kind of person people actually enjoy being around. You could be the most talented graphic designer in the world, but if you're a nightmare to work with, nobody is going to go out of their way to give you a "break."
Favor often flows toward people who: * Show up consistently: It's hard to favor someone you never see. * Solve problems without being asked: People favor those who make their lives simpler. * Maintain a good attitude: This sounds like a cliché, but energy is contagious. People want to see "good" people win.
It's not a formula, and there are no guarantees. You can do all these things and still see the "unfair" guy get the win. But by focusing on what you can control, you stop being a victim of the system and start becoming a participant in your own growth.
Letting Go of the "Fairness" Trap
The quickest way to burn out is to keep a tally of who deserves what. If you spend your life waiting for things to be "fair," you're going to be waiting a long time. The world is full of people who are "less qualified" but more successful, and "more qualified" people who can't get off the ground.
Accepting that favor is not fair is actually incredibly freeing. It means you can stop taking everything so personally. When you don't get the break, it's not necessarily because you failed; it's just that the wind wasn't blowing your way that day. It allows you to be happy for others (or at least less annoyed) because you understand that their favor doesn't take away from your future.
There's enough favor to go around, but it doesn't arrive on a schedule. Your "unfair" moment is likely coming, probably when you least expect it and probably for a reason you can't quite explain.
Focusing on Your Own Lane
At the end of the day, you have to decide what you're going to do with the hand you've been dealt. You can spend your energy complaining about the "unfair" advantages others have, or you can double down on your own path.
I've found that the more I focus on my own work and my own character, the more I notice little bits of favor popping up in my own life. They might not be as flashy as someone else's, but they're mine. Maybe it's a random connection that leads to a cool project, or just a stranger being uncommonly kind on a bad day.
Life is weird, and its distribution of rewards is even weirder. Stop looking for the logic in it. Favor isn't a reward for being the "best"; it's a wild card that shows up whenever it feels like it. So, keep working, keep being a decent human, and when that unfair favor finally swings your way—and it will—don't apologize for it. Just say thank you and keep moving.